Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist

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I spent many a day beating myself up for doing it wrong. And “it” refers to just about anything. I played the “I am not doing it right” game, or worried that I would make a fool of myself if anyone saw that I wasn’t as good at something as they were. I was in college before I started to break out of that, and even then it was still an issue. I told myself that I couldn’t long before I even tried. And the vicious cycle began. I couldn’t let go of it and by the time I realized it was happening, I was out of control.   I have always said that perfectionism has been my best and more … [Read more...]

When Doubt Writes Your Story

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I was in a constant fight with my belief system. “I can’t” became my natural mantra. “I am not … enough” became my lullaby as I struggled falling asleep night after night. As an athlete, as a coach, as a daughter, sister and partner, doubt crept in like a green, scaly monster, just waiting for me to utter those words again so it could poke at me once more.   Confidence was not my strength when I was a young person. Even into my early twenties, confidence often betrayed me, ducking and sneaking around corners, leading me to believe it was there all along when I always came up … [Read more...]

Maybe we are always enough

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What does it mean to need to "be more" or feel like you are inadequate? For so many it means years of quiet desperation, and as a wise old writer once told us, that's no way to live. The solitude of feeling inadequate and secretly wishing we were more like her or wish we had it all, like that guy... Well, the truth is usually that they are secretly and quietly feeling it too. That desperation that leads to feeling lost. Like there is someplace you are supposed to be and you haven't quite even figure out where yet. I was speaking last week at Villanova University to about 60 high school aged … [Read more...]

On the Will to Win…

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Are elite level athletes born, or are they made? Are people who excel at things in life just that special? I have asked and studied and asked again. And it always comes back to this… Greatness can easily be born, but certainly, with the right tools, can also be created. Having skills is helpful. But learning how to be great isn’t the hardest thing to learn. There is one thing that I believe is harder. And perhaps needs to be taught in just the right way. What makes most athletes great? (Or everyday person who just wants more out of life) The will to win. And when I say that, I am often … [Read more...]

And so I planted flowers…

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Mom loved pretty things. She loved to marvel in the beauty of the sky, the trees, pretty flowers on the side of the road. I can’t tell you how many times (shhh… sometimes illegally I am sure) we stopped on the side of a highway to pick wild flowers so mom could put them in her vases and pitchers and whatever else was around the house. And every year at this time when I was young, she planted. Geraniums and pansies and daisies. She would sit on the curb next to the spots she planted, and weed. Then put them in. And she would water them and tell me how pretty they were and to stay out of them … [Read more...]